I miss having someone that cares about what I did yesterday, what I’m doing right now, and what I’m going to do tomorrow. Lonely is not a feeling when you are alone. Lonely is a feeling when no one cares.
i’m so fucking over first world problems. literally. we are so fucking privileged. i don’t care if you live in an apartment or a mansion, if you’re reading this, you’re privileged. people around the world are dying for their freedom, they’re dying for their religion, they’re dying because of the color of their skin. we sit here discussing these events from the comforts of our homes or some cafe or a library or whatever. i’m so emotionally exhausted. i feel like a useless piece of shit to be quite honest. my familial problems have become so meaningless to me these past few months. yes it hurts, but it doesn’t hurt me more than seeing innocent children deprived of their parents, deprived of their homes, deprived of education, among hundreds of other things. i want to get out of this place, i want to go somewhere and help these people, but i can’t. i’m told that i can only help when i’m older and successful and have money to donate. fuck that. the people in need are in need today, and it’s not always about money, it’s about being physically there. having your entire existence devoted to helping people who are in the most dire situations. that’s what my heart yearns for.
and this is why i don’t want to tell my parents that i got in and started the masters program.
i feel completely apathetic towards telling them.
i honestly at the point where i could care less if anyone in my family talks to me. they’ve never seen me in a positive light, why should i continue to beg and plead for them to give me even an ounce of the respect I rightfully deserve.
Allah knows i’ve tried ever since I was in elementary school to make my family proud, and maybe I’m at fault for not continuing to try, but i’m only human. i can only take so much. i can’t leave this house, i have to endure whatever they are going to throw at me next, but at least my heart and soul has become numb.
Pakistani protestors have been at it for 2 weeks, now getting wounded killed by live ammunition by state. As of now upwards to 170+ wounded, 7+ dead. Overwhelming majority of the Muslim American community silent.
#OneUmmah though, right?